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Sun, Jul. 31st, 2005, 01:34 pm

so it's not as if anyone who reads this will care anyways....but i'm sorry to everyone whom i need to be sorry to for last night. i love you all and promise such behavior will not be repeated...and you're all allowed to slap me if i try. brookie i love you lovielovielovie you.....
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Fri, Jul. 29th, 2005, 03:56 am

i guess i'm hideously disfigured and repulsive in every way, phyisically and otherwise. great to know.

other than that, and the pulley system i've been working on for weeks being horrid, life's great. don't wanna sound too upset or anything.


yeah. lots of frustrations with no good way to deal with any of them.
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Wed, Dec. 8th, 2004, 07:26 am

it's been a while, I know - sorry.

and this is a crappy excuse for an update on my life but...oh vell.

i haven't talked to him in over a day...this makes me sad. i also left 2 messages for him yesterday, so i'm not entirely sure what's going on outside of finals...but i'm not too terribly worried. just a little bit - i need to be cared for right now.

acting final this morning after about 3 hours of sleep...and I still have to finish a final for that by 12noon so...yeah. no fun. then working with my stagecraft group from 12-2 for our performance in which our entire set, costumes, etc. were made out of "found objects" and trash. joy. Then reherasal for Barriers (a massive recital/concert on Thursday) from 3-10 or 11ish. 3 finals tomorrow - I need to still memorize a poem for Voice and Speech and practice dance schtuff. LITTLE STRESSED.

if you were unaware, i have 11 classes and 10 finals...which is a helluva lot. most of them are performance-based which in some ways is good, in some ways means that my work is never finished. a few written exams, but not so much as it's me. which means i actually have to GET SLEEP 'cause i have to look good for them too. it may sound like i'm complaining - not really - i'm just a tad stressed.
BUT - 8 more days...and i'm home on the 16th. this is very good. very very good. but i'm gonna miss a certain person here...taht is if he CALLS me soon. but i digress...i need to not stress and finish all o this crap. sorry for being anti-social - 18 credits'll do that to a girl. love you all...and i'll see you in a week!

New video

Sun, Nov. 28th, 2004, 12:11 pm
To Do Lists :(

I hate doing this, but i'm thinking that if I put it in print maybe I'll be more inclined to get stuff done? It's a nice thought at least.

Before tomorrow:
-Lighting Critique (due Monday 11/15...about that ;)
-Email Jana & Emily about recital tmrw
-Write paper on "The Night It Had To End"
-Research recital piece
-MOVEMENT JOURNAL (like 20 entries)
-Check my recital credits
-Find 1 minute comedic monologue!!!
-Watch Mvmt DVD - do excersises so I don't fail tomorrow
-Costume Designs/Images for Fable Project
-Write Drafts of 3 Application Essays

Stuff not due tomorrow but asap (by Wed?!?):
-Reports on "Grandmother's Love Letters", "Anytime"
-Organize Voice Lesson Tapes
-Decide Audition Material
-Memorize poems for Voice/Speech
-Summer Stock Applications
-Barriers Shoe Shopping/Decide Outfit
-Finish Adler's Book, write report
-Finalize Exam Schedule
-Sew ribbons on pointe shoes
-Call Paul
-Call Katie
-Email Katie McC
-Go to Doctors
"The Night It Had to End"
Double Turns

I'm sure there's more, but that's a good start at least. 2.5 weeks and I'm done. I can do this...somehow. ;)

Happy Turkey Day everyone! We really are blessed.
My diary

Sun, Nov. 21st, 2004, 12:04 pm

i think that would have to classify as the most picturesque night i have had in...i don't even know how long. absolutely fabulous. i'm quite in a state of bliss.

of to the wellness center to burn a few of the many extra calories which are now in my system...
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Wed, Nov. 3rd, 2004, 11:20 pm


welcome to four more years of hell. i wonder if our nation will even survive this one.

oh - and the bans on homosexual marriage? yeah. ummm. way to go Ohio! we're now no longer discriminating on terms of race - simply on your sexual orientation. You are now identified and will have your rights stripped away simply based on who you love. now that makes sense. really.

(if you can't understand my typed sarcasam...sorry. get used to it.)
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Sun, Oct. 31st, 2004, 06:59 pm

it's decided. i'm applying to UMichigan...and that's it. have a shitload of work to get done, but feeling a little better. not a lot - but a little.
My secret...

Sun, Oct. 31st, 2004, 02:17 pm

There's a lot going on, and a lot I could talk about, so I'm not so sure where I'm starting.

Some people have been talking about auditioning for other schools and transfering if they get accepted somewhere they want. While I'm not among them, I'm afraid I possibly should be. I have yet to truly feel I fit in here - Miami's not my type of atmosphere, people, climate...and I really don't know how happy I can be here. At the same time, if I'm going to transfer, I need to know NOW because I need to do applications and start thinking about auditions...which I don't want to do. Then there's the problem of money - even if I get into, say, Michigan - how in hell are we supposed to pay for it? I didn't go to NYU because of finances, Michigan wouldn't exactly be cheep. That's the only school I think I relaly feel like dealing with - I'd love NYU but I don't think I'd get enough music there - I'm not even getting enough music here - and I'm a music major. FSU means friends from home and I really want a chance to start over. BW, Otterbein, Ithaca, BOCA...I don't think any of these are necessarily any better - or fit me as well - but I think Michigan'd really make me happy. I don't know. I just know that I don't think I can last 4 years here. I mean - maybe I can - I love Dr. Alt, NDavid, and Clay...but other than that there isn't a really strong reason for me to stay. I'm not getting the music I want, I'm not going to get the accademics I want, and they're not pushing me enough. The lifestyle of Miami doesn't really fit me, and I'm simply not feeling motivated. I don't feel I'm at college - I think I'm still at a camp...but it doesn't get any better. Just an endless cycle of meaningless friendships where I don't feel particularly a part of anything. But I'm probably not good enough to get into Michigan anyway...so I don't know who I'm trying to fool.

Who can I talk to? I don't know if I should talk with Dr. Alt, or Clay...if anyone here really knows me enough to know what makes me happy. I don't feel like I've made friendships here that will truly last me 4 years...much less past those 4 into the rest of my life. I don't know. I really just don't know, and I know I need to figure it out.

I've been really depressed already several times this year, and that can't mean good things about the life I'm living here. I've been missing high school and this summer...and they weren't even that great! I couldn't wait to get to school...now that I'm here I'm not sure it's so right for me. I never thought it was a great fit - just the only option of mine that worked - and I'm not one to settle for less than the best.

I really need to talk with someone about this...and figure it out within the next few days.

I'm also broke, without time for a job - applied for one, interviewed, was practically assured a position until we realize my schedule wouldn't allow it - and yet I don't feel like my crazy busy schedule is doing enough for me to grow as a performer - so what's the point?

I also still don't have a computer which makes life hellatious, and for a project due tomorrow I have no idea how I'm getting from here to there.

Not tan, still feeling fat and indaequate, unmotivated to do the work I claimed I loved to do. I'm just feeling quite lost.
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Mon, Oct. 25th, 2004, 10:45 pm

So for my final in a class I have to present one song.
-"The Night It Had to End" from Romance, Romance
-"Come To Your Senses" from Tick, Tick, Boom!
-"There's a Fine, Fine Line" from Avenue Q

those are my current options. thoughts and comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Thu, Oct. 14th, 2004, 11:11 pm

A few pics from college thus far:

....there'd be more but this girl doesn't have a digital camera! (or a computer for that matter...)

i'll update for real evenutally. promise.
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